Category: life

Not in Your Interest

Being in finance industry for years, I know for sure that many of the so called ‘guru’ or ‘influencer’ only have their interest in heart, and not their members.

This mean they will prioritize monetary gain for themselves over the safety of their members, partnering with questionable companies that would pay them the highest.

Recently I realized this been happening in other industries too. Traveling is my hobby so I’ve been checking out these influencers who promote ‘travel backpack’ and one thing stuck out: they all unanimously promote a certain selection of products, namely Aer, Peak Design, Wandrd, Pakt, Nomatic, and so on.

If you’re not following backpack brands, you probably wont see the pattern here. But as someone who pay attention to such, it’s easy to see: all of them are online-only brands, many started from Kickstarter, and they pay a bunch in affiliate commission. Nomatic on launch pays almost 40% of their bag price to affiliates.

This is also why you won’t see established brands like Thule, Patagonia, and Osprey in their recommendations. These brands do not have direct affiliate program so if they want commission they have to refer to Amazon affiliate, which pay pennies, less than 5% of the bag’s price.

Bottom line: I’m not discounting these influencers advice, props for them who actually bought and test the product. My point is to open your option to established brands as well, maybe find non-affiliated review in reddit for it.

Maintain A Friendship

As an introvert, a while ago I was introduced to a concept where a friend relationship can be maintained not by constant communication but by rare encounters accompanied by deep conversations.

So I set out to test this theory.

A

A: I knew A years ago in a community and we were close. However at some point I decided that this community was not for me. Meanwhile, she was very committed to the community so we drifted apart.

I re-initiate our contact by inviting her & her husband to lunch. Few months later I invited them again for my birthday, just 3 of us. That was 10 months ago, in which time A never tried to contact me even once.

Looking back, I suppose I can see from how the conversation went. They didn’t come because they wanted to talk to me, they just sparing some time because they’re nice people.

I understand well that everyone has priority on who they spend their time with, and in their case people who are around all the time takes priority over those who show up once every few months. I understand this, but naturally this means this #1 test is a failure. I make mental note not to contact her again.

M

M: M was my co-worker in my previous job. We shared personal things from relationships to side-job and what we wanted in life.

After I changed job we chat a few times and I decided this can be monthly thing or even bimonthly thing. However on 1 interaction, she was just gone, did not reply. This means either it was done on purpose to end the chat or she completely forgot that she was chatting with me, both equally bad.

I said hi again about 2 months later and we had a chat. She gave me on-the-surface update about her life and force-end the conversation with the classic ‘it’s late, bye’. I feel like she didn’t really want the conversation and hang around just to be polite, the 2 months silence also support this theory.

I think it’s pointless trying to maintain a friendship with someone who doesn’t equally try, so I make mental note not to contact her again and label the #2 a failure as well.

The Universe Doesn’t Owe You Anything

Life is unfair.

The Universe does not owe you anything, just because you’ve been working hard, or because you wished for it to happen.

Shitty things happen to amazing people.
Amazing things happen to shitty people.

We have been taught that we need to suffer to get what we want in life.

We don’t.

We need to do what works,
and it’s not related to how much suffer.

How many 12h/day factory or mine workers have you seen living their dreams?

Yet they are some of the hardest workers there is.

The World is filled with billions of people who believe that the hardest they work, the better their life will be.

We value suffering, hardship, effort, pain and tough work.

For what?

Suffering is not giving you any “credit points” that you can exchange afterward to get good things in your life.

We reject what’s simple and effortless, because we think: “nah, it couldn’t be that easy, right?”

But sometimes it is, that easy.

Sometimes, what leads to amazing results doesn’t require 80h of work per week.

We need to stop living our life with the belief that the Universe, or other people, owe us anything because of our efforts or intentions.

There is no “law of attraction”.
There is no “no pain no gain”.
There is no “karma”.

There is what works,
and what does not work.

Sometimes, it takes years to figure out what works.

Sometimes, it only takes 10 seconds.

We try to make sense of the World by thinking it’s all balanced, that harder work leads to better results, that giving more leads to receiving more, etc.

It doesn’t work this way.

You should love, not because you expect love in return, but because loving is what makes you feel whole.

You should work hard, not because you expect better results in return, but out of passion for the work itself.

You should give back more, not because you expect to receive gratefulness in return, but because giving it the reward itself.

As long as you believe that your effort, work, love, intention or gifts entitle you to be rewarded, you got it all wrong.

Life is unfair.

You can deny it, and suffer.
or deal with it, and adjust.

Someone said: “Reality is what remains even when you stop believing in it.”

And regardless how many millions books, movies and seminars it sold,

Reality doesn’t reward the effort, the intention, or the pain to get there.

Reality rewards what works.

Source: thomasdepin

I should’ve known

  • If it’s already made clear that you’re unwanted, leave. Trying to stay will only lead to more heartaches => You’ve got to learn to leave the table when love is no longer being served -Nina Simone-
  • Never let a handful of good qualities make you think that everything else about them is great. The truth is you don’t have the full picture yet, so don’t assume.
  • Date people who share similar values to you because relationships that are aligned are so much easier. Misalignment in values will cause a lot of conflicts.
  • To meet your person you have to be visible. After all, if you can’t be seen you can’t be found.
  • Your mental health is more important than any relationship. If you have to sacrifice your mental wellbeing for your partner, you lose yourself in the process.
  • How someone treats you is how they feel about you. If they act like they don’t care, they don’t care. => Action speaks louder than words.
  • If you wouldn’t be friends with the person you’re dating, the relationship is probably built on physical attraction or infatuation and probably won’t last. You don’t actually miss them, you miss what you wanted them to be.
  • Don’t believe in potential. Potential is worthless without actions to back it up. Look where they are and what they’re doing now => What you see is what you get.

Gratefulness

Each morning when I do my morning jog I saw this car that I really wanted to buy months ago but decided against it because I wanted to prioritize my spending on things that are more important: traveling & the business.

The business alone on average now eat about 50-60% of my salary so if I want to travel there’s no way I’d waste my money paying installment for a thing I would not even use once every 2 weeks.

This morning I saw the car again and this time it comes down to me: this guy has been going to work at my morning jog time. He’s going to work at 6 AM in the morning! Meanwhile on non-jogging day I wake up at 7, start working from home at 8:30. No commute, just in my shorts.

Be grateful for what you have.

Life is not fair

There is no rulebook saying that life is fair, or you are owed an easy ride

You are not the focus of all the world’s attention: if “everything” was truly against YOU, then life for the rest of us would be a breeze as you take the heat. You’re in it with the rest of us, albeit with your own set of challenges. So take some comfort in the fact that, while you’re unique, your not so special that the cosmos is out to get you.