Some years ago I was at intersection due to some facts
- I need to start a business. I know for sure that being an employee would take me probably to my 50s then I’ll need to already have enough investment running to pay for my daily necessities or .. starting a business. At 50.
- I stuck at a dead end job. It’s not a bad job per see, just a dead end. I need to decide whether to jump ship for possible raise (or short lived new job) or stay for the stability but stuck on same income level.
My alternatives were whether to a) start a business and keep the job for its stability or b) give another shot at corporate world and try to jump-ship hoping that the jump will skyrocket my income enough to do something to secure me financially in the future.
My end choice were (a) mainly because
- I always want to decide my life aspects by my own (where to live, when to work, how long I want to work). The only way to attain this is to live from my own business
- Since I have no interest in climbing the corporate ladder, jumping ship seems risky. I’ll get a raise but with tons of expectation I’m not willing to take (such as working overtime or unrealistic targets). With my current job I know what to do, what is expected, and how much free time I have to work on my business. At this point, changing 1 master for the other seems moot
I took my choice but that was only the start. Over the years I started multiple business with one failure over the next. Every time one fell, there’s a period of time of depression and self-loathing before I can pick myself up and start another venture. It was (and still is) tough.
My priority is obviously my own business. This doesn’t mean I neglect my duty or using my working time to work on my own business. I do all my job seriously, BUT I won’t go above and beyond, won’t take risk, won’t go overtime if I can help it, and won’t spend my time brainstorming hard for a solution to company’s problem (mostly it got ignored anyway).
The reason is working 2 job is hard. When I finish my day job my brain would come up with all kind of excuses to delay working on the 2nd job. 1 more youtube video or do this first or do that first (basically I’m procrastinating). When I’m working on it, it feels like squeezing every last brain power I have after a tiring day. Sometime it gets me dizzy and more often than not once I’m done it’s already 10 PM. I have no energy to do anything else beside random watching some youtube videos, go to sleep, and repeat the grind again tomorrow.
Envy and Questioning My Choice
So I focus on my priority, other guys focus on their priority (working 150% for the company). The difference is all those effort over the years yield me nothing since all my prior business fell apart, but their effort rewards them with fat salary and even fatter bonuses.
These days when I see the other guys flaunting new stuff from their ever-increased income I can’t help to feel a bit envious. They sure deserve it because they put priority on something and it worked, but still. It hurts a little bit. And for sure from time to time it sparks the “what I’ve been doing with my life ” question.